Doctor Pann

FBI Report: Unusual Incidents Unit

Reporter: Arthur Langston

Chief Investigator: Arthur Langston

Agents Involved: McNally, Reynir, Smith, Larson

Formal Press Report

Nature of Aberration:

— Object; Procurement of Sentients

— Sentients; Varied Capabilities

Nullification Strategy:

— Object; Rendered Normal and Melted Down

— Sentients; Imprisonment, Neutralization and Incineration or Imprisonment of Remains, Integration to Society, Dimensional Transference

— Location of Imprisonments (Living and Deceased); Undisclosed Location Within the Wanderer's Library

— Integration to Society; Tabs are being kept on those who chose to remain in this reality. Regular meetings occur and violation of specified parameters lead to jail time.

— Dimensional Transference; Some of the more savory individuals desired to return to their base reality. Cooperation with the Wanderer's Library staff was conducted to accomplish this. To the UIU's knowledge, the entities returned to their base realities.

Description of Aberration: The aberration was a Campbell's Alphabet Soup can from the 1960s. The can's lid was opened but still connected, and folded up. A spoon sat within the can. When a bite of soup was consumed, the consumer underwent an extreme metamorphosis which caused them to become an entity. There were exactly twenty-six spoons full of soup, and twenty-six different entities were procured. The entities all possessed markings on them somewhere denoting what letter they represented within the alphabet, thusly the entities were referred to by their letter unless desiring otherwise. Every entity was different and possessed different capabilities. All entities came from differing realities, bar two. A written record of each of the twenty-six entities does exist, however it is not enclosed within this document, and may only be reviewed under the discretion of the Big Chief.

Anecdotal Biography of Events
Reporter: Arthur Langston

I was the lead investigator on the "Alphabet Soup" case, and I have been instructed to recount the details of the investigation here.

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