Jackyfudge

Stay Behind My Blue Jayhawk

I look back and remember you writing a song for me.
I look back and hear it in my mind.
It makes me feel happy.
You made me feel happy.
But it didn't last.
Why do you try to keep it from me.
Act like it didn't exist.
We both know it exists.
I cried when you let me add the last line.
I was happy to try to help the person I loved.

What changed?
You're gate-keeping my memories to a better time.
The memories that were rightfully mine.
From a different age and a simpler place.
Where I trusted you.
You say this is selfish.
To wish for the days of the song.
When I didn't look back and think this isn't okay.
Where I wasn't scared of you.
Where I didn't fear the repercussions of talking back.
You ask why I grow distant.
When you were the one who carved the canyon.
Plunged your knife into the heart of compassion.
Sprinkled cyanide into a spiritual drink.

Why do you act like you love me?
Whilst talking behind my back.
I can hear the people who still trust you talk about it.
You don't want them to end up like me.
You say I'm the root of everything.

You don't want me to think do you?
Thinking makes me realize just how bad you were.
How bad you are.
You try to force me to stay here, stay behind.
Saying I did nothing.
"You're just mentally ill come back please, I'm helping you"
It didn't feel like helping when you were pounding my ears.
Whilst I was shivering in a corner.
Crying.

You got mad at that didn't you?
The sound of me sobbing so long I ran out of tears.
As you made war with your words.
A barrage of insults.
"I couldn't sleep because you keep trying to annoy me with your crying"
In this war you took my cover
You stole the things I tried to defend myself with.
Distract myself with.
And now you wonder.
Why I don't like your touch.
Why I try to leave you behind.
I just have one question.

Wouldn't you?

Prompt for Brainwashed River

What truly is infinity?
An endless loop?
A plane that stretches forever?
A real paradox?
Or could it be something made up for you?

A hopeful river flows eagerly
A soul trapped for eternity to be liquid pulsing and running
Zig-zagging throughout the darkest corners of hell
Through the fake heavens where its water looks clear
To the deepest depths where it is tar and black
Endlessly it goes

The king of the underworld lies to it
Says it will be free once it visits everywhere he needs it to
Finally reach the true enlightenment that is inner peace
It doesn't know
It couldn't know
The river flows in a circle
A bumpy brittle broken one but a circle nonetheless
And it is happy
For it isn't suffering
Just drifting along
But it really is
Just tricked into loving
Its eternal misery

A Brainwashed River

idk

I hear echoes and whispers of the travelers that enter my doors.
Crying out across the wood floors.

Speaking indirectly to me of the problems and woes they face.
Secrets accidentally give chase.

I listen to rumors of the library itself and the croms who weave nests in my upper reaching.
Sacred words and holy teachings.

They talk and talk and I quietly listen.
Learning religions and how they do christen.

Taking in their ideas and challenges.
Whilst providing solutions to damages.

I make my space comfortable for all those who seek shelter.
A haven from the helter skelter

As the library itself does.
A hearth in the middle of a cosmic vat of knowledge
(work more)

• • _
  .Ykcaj

  Hiya! This is for bad writing I want to hide :)

  badbadbadbadbadbad

  The Tides Of Fate Ripped Apart You And I
  The Bonds Hold Us Forcing Us To Wait At The Ends Of The Multiverse
  The Time Rolls Until The Cosmic Clocks Break And Its Caretakers Tend To It Once Again
  The Clock Resets Stating Again Its Constant Droning Soliloquy
  The Ring Of The Bell Symbolizes Another Eon Passing
  The Time Waits For No Man, But I Am No Man So It Waits
  The Difference Between Reality And Fiction Shatter Countless Times
  The Endless Paradox Creates Another Endless Paradox Which In Itself Creates An Endless Paradox

  Eventually the clock ticks but time doesn't move
  And the final walls break
  And our last bonds cease their unrelenting grasp
  Finally at the very end we are free
  I have waited an endless amount of eternities waiting to come to you
  Now I will spend my last endless eternity cherishing you

  (update) A Doomed Sailor's Words (still bad)

  Left on a lowly sparse fishing village by my friends, my brothers and everyone I love for one mistake. One slip, one broken bottle, one less eye on board.. My ship? gone. My life? gone…

  Drinking takes away the forces of reason and emotion, stalling them with a magic trick called numbness. But stumbling around drunkenly brings disaster. Falling clumsily down a massive hill breaks a few bones but it doesn't stop there. Suddenly the hill vanishes, turning into a free-fall. Branches crash and break as I fall down, I laugh in excitement, thinking about how much it will hurt later. I feel so giddy.

  I come to a stop in the bottom of the valley facing towards the sky, I see a blurry image of a cliff face as my vision goes black… I found myself in between the two beasts my numbness stalls. They aren't here for me yet, but they will show their power.

  The ocean of emotion and the shore of rationality crash and eat away at one another in a frightening dance. And here I lay, in the middle, the untouched land, the valley of apathy.

  I watch as the two titans embrace. I reach out to feel, to think something else but my body can't move. Left alone, unable to think. I watch as they continue their dance. Realization hits but my sense isn't back. I am in a dream, dying, feeling nothing because of the excess alcohol

  Seconds feel like dreadful eternities trapped in my mind holding out hope that something will come and lift me from this valley where pain is non existent but existence is pain. The inevitability of suffering makes every sound numb to my deaf ears. Even a god couldn't reach my valley. Nothing could reach my lack of anything.

  I've heard people say sadness is the most torturous emotion but I know that they're wrong. Pure lack of being able to express emotion is the most torturous. The hollow feeling replaces even sadness. I am aware of every pain aching my body and yet none of them. You are trapped only guided by temporary thoughts to ease the agony. A bleak attempt to keep the true hell at bay. Even as you try you know its fruitless.

  I am trapped in a valley of apathy between the ocean of emotion and the shore of rationality.

  And I am still drowning.