Hello! Welcome! Once again I am going to expound upon my top five things things this year/cycle/existence/reality/I ran out of synonyms. Whatever unit you use to count how time passes for you (if indeed, time passes for you). For me, it was about the amount of time it takes to read 100 Library Books, play Yaransky's Fifth Concerto 7777 times, and walk to the end of fifteen separate hallways of the Library. Take that as you will. So, let's begin:
5. Rats In The Walls In The House Of Death. A wonderful closet drama which was performed this year. Supposedly it was written by Nikolai Gogol. (Whether or not he did it before he died or it was done by his ghost, I don't know). The story is one of the most genuinely bone-chilling things I've ever experiences and that includes Polanski's Absolute Zero. The story manages to make you care about all of the character just before they are taken down in the most disgusting way ever. While, I don't want to spoil most of the plot, just let me say that I still haven't forgotten the sound of scratching on my doors. Scratch. Scratch. Scratch. By the way, the story was enchanted by a Charm Mage, so you literally can never forget what happens there. Scratch. Scratch. Scratch.
4. Fuck The Jailers, A Record. Nonfiction, but still wonderful. And what's the difference between fiction and non-fiction anyway? The book is a collection of grievances against everyone's least favorite fascists: the Jailers. (The author is working on a sequel for the Bookburners) The book draws from an almost unthinkable number of first, second, third, and theta-prime -hand accounts in order to show just how shitty the Jailers are. The book is the world's first reliable and comprehensive record of our relationship with them, from first contact to that time we painted all of Site-94 pink and covered their floors with grass (they still didn't touch it). Xe even manages to take time travel into account! If there's anyone who wants to be better informed on our greatest enemy or just wants to hear about some righteous fascist-punting, they would be advised to pick one up.
3. Between An Unknown Amount of Rivers. An extremely fascinating work. This story made me cry. It made me laugh. It made me whoop in sheer adrenaline. It made me shit my pants in fear. Not necessarily in that order, but you get the gist. Describing one enbies's journey throughout the rivers of the worlds, this story has something for everyone. The story can be termed a picaresque, but it is so much more than that. There are worlds of meaning and emotion in the way the author describes the Temples of Yu-Qin, the Star Fleets of Ziea CCVMMIX, and so much more. I mean, this is amazing. I know that diary type things are common here, but you should still check this out. (Edit: I have received word that the author enchanted this with a spell so everyone who reads it thinks it's the most amazing thing ever. It's too late now. I hope that fucker gets kicked out.)
2. Chainsaw Man. What can I say, besides READ CHAINSAW MAN!!!!!
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1. You, my readers! I love you for reading this! I mean, I don't have a choice in the matter, but still. I need to do this every year. That is my function. My joy. My bread and butter. My only reason to live. I have no face besides these words. You do not know me. I have no name and I never will. I have no hands. I have no eyes. I have no mouth and (not doing the thing due to interdimensional copyright). I was never born. I will never die. None of the plays I have mentioned, I have seen. None of the books I have praised, I have seen. I have taken part in no events. In no worlds. In no existence. I am just there to list things for you. My only respite from the void is meaningless rankings. Most of this was selected randomly. I only exist as these words on this page. My only joy is this. Thanks for reading!