we couldn't afford sand
link to SCP sandbox
Get good at writing, please, you moron.
With any luck I can make this sandbox more organized than the other one. Hopefully.
So I saw a random prompt about hive minds
If one requires cordial relations with a hive-mind organism, it is imperative they first understand exactly how to identify one. There are two main types of "hive-mind" organism; there are, of course, many others that aren't quite hive-minds, and perhaps there are some yet undiscovered. Common imitators of hive-mind organisms are: pheromonic societies, which douse their territory in gaseous pheromones, allowing them to communicate with any others nearby; simple telepathic societies, which use telepathy to keep in near-constant communication with all others in the vicinity; and the Gregs (The Gregs are not presently understood and, despite making up at least forty percent of several major metropolitan populations, may not actually exist.). While some societies allow for the total unification of thought for a short time, this does not make them a hive-mind.
The factors that make a hive-mind organism a hive-mind organism are quite simple: they must possess a hive-mind, and be an organism. A hive-mind is defined as multiple bodies in constant contact; this separates them from the aforementioned societies, as they are in frequent, but not constant contact. A hive-mind organism must also be an organism- that is, one singular entity, common to all potential bodies. This highlights the distinction between hive-minds and pheromonic or simple telepathic societies; these are made up of individuals with their own cognition, whereas the hive-mind will only possess one intelligence.
Once one has successfully identified a hive-mind, its type must be determined. The more common type of hive-mind is the external-intelligence mind. This type of hive-mind is characterized by the use of individual bodies' mental faculties to make decisions. This makes it possible, in some cases, to remove individuals from the hive-mind. These hive-minds are always invasive, taking over hosts rather than creating them itself. Examples include several species of fungi common to colonized areas, including Carver's Brain Shroom and the infamous Freudian Fungus; the now-extinct Kreuber's Worm and other parasitic minds; and the Ammity Mind, a rare sapient parasitic mind spanning multiple planets who has agreed to work as a courier. External-intelligence minds are rarely sapient and often dangerous, their only goal being self-perpetuation. Due to their hazardous and widespread nature, there are several groups working towards destruction of invasive organisms and reclamation of lost populations.
The second, rarer type of hive-mind is the internal-intelligence mind. These are characterized by a central brain, and utilize specially-produced bodies to interact with their environment. Some are capable of telepathy, but none thus far have proven capable of introducing foreign bodies. All known internal-intelligence minds are sapient, and most are cordial with travelers and organizations. However, internal-intelligence minds often possess incredibly vast intelligences; they are also susceptible to mental disorders similar to other sapient species. There have been infrequent but consistent occurrences of hive-minds developing narcissistic tendencies and attempting hostile takeovers. However, all have failed due to their lack of numbers (as well as a ubiquitous cartoon-like incompetence.). Well-known internal-intelligence minds include Timothy, known for their work as a musical producer; Hod, credited with the development of several high-strength alloys; and the self-named "Yur-Krinkoth, the Taker of All Knoledge" [sic] best known for his spectacular failure to raid the Library, resulting in his being stranded on one of Jupiter's several asteroid moons. Despite this, his egotistical ramblings continue to be published in the highly popular comedy magazine "Whole Universe of Idiots".
While knowledge of the inner workings of hive-minds is important to identify them, physical characteristics are equally essential. External-intelligence minds are often simple to identify; they utilize recognizable non-hive-mind species and rarely have the tact to hide themselves. However, some have been known to mostly lobotomize some of their bodies to serve as workers, and maintain a central group for thinking purposes. Internal-intelligence minds, however, rarely pose a threat. As the vast majority are sapient and in fact quite pleasant, they are considered an ally by the majority of the population. The inner territory of an internal-intelligence mind is considered one of the safest places in the known Universe. They are easily identifiable by their bodies; while the shape varies, they tend to lack traditional heads, skulls, or brains, due to thinking occurring remotely. Several internal-intelligence minds have sent emissaries to various populated regions; together they form an information web that acts as an early-warning system against any potential invaders.
While often avoidable, easily dealt with, or simply placid to begin with, certain hive-minds can pose a severe threat. Fungal minds are not sapient and act solely to expand further. If one is encountered, its bodies will attempt to spread its spores to new hosts- it is imperative that breathing filtration apparatus is acquired and activated. Certain anti-telepathic methods prove effective in cutting off the fungi's connection to the rest of the mind, resulting in death and release of the body in question. Immediate evacuation is recommended.
Though most are extinct, parasitic minds are still a threat. Basic antimemetic training is enough to resist the mind, but removal of the parasite tends to be arduous. A common solution is to utilize the parasite's basic mind against it- one can attempt to consider impossible facts such as paradoxes in an attempt to paralyze it, making it simple to remove. However, delegation of thought processes has led to some using detached parasites to improve their mental faculties. The symptoms vary, but death is ubiquitous.
this was a hell of a tangent, etc. this is done. ~next day me
Author's Notes
holy fuck that's a lot of writing. actually fun too. why can't I write essays n stuff about fiction that I make up on the spot?
Coffee trolls - able to identify and consume foreign or invasive species, and eat coffee grounds - thus the reason there are so many fuckin' starbucks in airports
Branson Airport Complaint Hotline
Report #10/16-5
Transcript:Hi, yeah, your coffee trolls got out. Uh, they're real cute little dudes, ha, um, but, uh, one of them was under my table? And he stole my coffee. Uh, I know you guys are, like, a smaller, y'know, local place, so, um, if you need any help with them, I know a guy. Uh, north Starbucks, yeah. North Starbucks, uh, lost their troll. Ah- thanks, uh, thanks.
*
What the fuck is a coffee troll?
Joe Boxerson, Customer Support and Retention at Branson Airport, was gazing with a mixture of boredom, intrigue, and genuine disbelief at the fifth complaint this month, and the fourth mentioning a "coffee troll". The last one was about a "coffee goblin". The first two almost made him laugh, were it not for the stifling aura of boredom Joe's beige, yellow-lit office constantly oozed. The following two, and the "goblin", were chalked up to another stupid prank call trend. Like that one time kids kept calling some video game store to keep asking for some frog game. Maybe it's some stupid Starbucks marketing thing? He never even looked in their direction. Not only did he deplore coffee ("I'm not going to poison myself for a little boost", he says, lighting a cigarette), he was a firm disbeliever in the necessity of having so many goddamn Starbucks in airports.
He'd listened to each of the recordings and Googled- sorry, searched Bing- for "verbal signs of lying" half-a-dozen times each. His seventh listen of the goblin call was interrupted by a phone call. When he heard the word "troll" he dropped the receiver and stood for his manager's office.
*
"What the fuck is a coffee goblin?"
"No, no, coffee troll."
"Is this a joke?"
"If it is, I'd like to know. There've been six of these."
Bill Masters, Joe's manager, was a thin, sharp man that did not resemble his name at all. He glared at Joe, then his desk, then Joe again, then his phone, then the wall as he dialed and put the receiver to his ear. "Hi. Yeah. This is the north Starbucks, right? Yeah. What the sam hell is a coffee goblin? Fine then, what the hell is a coffee troll?!" Joe watched a screw arc onto the floor as Bill slammed down the phone. "You're customer support! Go find out what the hell's going on out there." As Joe exited the small, beige hallway into the small, beige hallway, he caught a quick mutter about "grounds in their damn coffee anyway".
*
"A coffee troll is a cute li'l thing, maybe yay high, that sniffs out foreign plants and stuff in exchange for getting to eat our coffee grounds. Why?"
Joe squinted at the barista, multiplying the wrinkles on his face. "And… have any of them… escaped?" "Nope! Not here, anyway, but we heard the north 'Bucks was having some troubles!" At that, Joe wordlessly turned away and strode across the airport. He considered how deeply strange it was that he just had a normal-sounding conversation about trolls. And with a minimum-wage worker, no less! But before he could stress over how outrageous it was that he had fraternized with the lower class, he had finished the twenty-foot walk to the other Starbucks. There was no one behind the counter and, scattered about the floor, cups of what looked like coffee and lots of sand. Joe sighed- more of a wheeze, really- and began to turn back. Abruptly, the floor tile beneath his foot flipped itself upwards, flinging Joe to the floor. Out of the hole popped a small, gray creature
i can't do this anymore this feels too long
feels too long he says with fuckin moby dick right up there
