21th of September, 2013
I met some guy today, at the local sesh. He looked, uh, you know. You watched fight club? He looked like Tyler Durden, From the movie. Yeah.
I was just doing normal shite, you know, Acid? Yeah. I was having fun, but then i saw him. I don't know what shit he was taking, I asked him, and he said "Bonkers". Man was clearly off his head, so can't blame him for not telling me. But man, it was…it was different. His joy and ecstasy deviated and turned, it rubbed off on me. Stopped time, altered my own self being. I'm trying to not sound like your typical hippie, but man, it was just…life changing. The acid i took almost melted away, and i was just in the zone. AND I DIDN'T EVEN TAKE THE SHIT!
He gave me his phone number, I'll ring him up later. Might be able to supply me with his dope.
28th of September, 2013
The guy I was talking about last week? Called him up
Said he didn't remember me, nor going to a sesh. Bit odd, but he did tell me his supplier's silk road username. I got it expressed shipped. It comes in vials. Strangest shit I've seen, Blood red, with what looks like Crystal white salt mixed in. Wasn't that expensive to be fair, He told me to drink it "only when going on the night out." Asked him if it's addictive, he said no. Although you know how dealers are, so who the fuck knows? Got 30 vials anyway, so fuck it, we ball. Worst case scenario I just buy more.
Going to hit the club today, I'll take it a bit before.
29th of September, 2013
Holy fucking shit.
Pure, Pure Ecstasy.
I can't even describe how I felt, once I took it, I felt…physically, different. Emotionally, different. Spiritually, different.
I became a whole new man, my bones transformed, my mind shifted, my conscious changed. I was younger, I was reborn into this world. I was in another mans body, i swear. It was brilliant, Fucking brilliant. It hurt a bit when i first took it, but that was over within two minutes.
The shackles of normalcy where stripped off of me, the chains where cut. I truly felt like a different person. No longer depressed, No longer bound to good and evil. I could be an absolute animal, without any consequences. Fuck me, utterly brilliant.
Best thing is that it left no hangover, no headaches, I didn't black out. This is the wonder drug.
5th of October, 2013
YOLO
About to take it again.
6th of October, 2013
Met this absolute bird yesterday, Gave her an absolute drilling. This bonkers shit is actually amazing. But, I'm wonderin' now. This shit has no side affects bro, You wake up without a hangover, you feel amazing, you don't black out. What the fuck?
I hopped on reddit and 4chan, Asked about if anyone had heard of it, and more importantly, is it addictive.
Not one heard of it, So i guess this must be relatively new.
12th of October, 2013
Took one dose, Nothing happened. I'll double it, probably just my bodies tolerance kicking in.
Going to go to a rave instead, Club and Sesh's are fine but this bonkers shite is higher calibre. I can do whatever the fuck i want with it.
13th of October, 2013
As usual, felt great.
But i think i found the side affect, i walked by a mirror in the rave, and i was actually physically different. I was more manly, i was taller, i had bigger muscles, cleaner teeth. I was a more ideal version of myself.
And you know how like uhh, you get voices in the back of your head? They become louder. Intrusive thoughts will try to dig at you, and fuck it, why not cave in? It's not like i killed someone, I just had a little more fun.
Got like, 26 vials left of this absolute monster of a drug. WE BALL!
19th of October, 2013
Double Dose
18th of October, 2013
Brilliant once again.
26th of October, 2013.
Took a weeks break to see if the tolerance reverts, single dose.
27th of October, 2013
Tolerance reset worked. Met this bird, Looks banging. She want's to meet later :)
28th of October, 2013
Had to use the vial when I met her, To look better and gain some confidence. I think we are together now?
8th of November
I'm in love
15th of November
Job was good today, Although I'm craving the next hit of Bonkers.
3rd December
Stopped logging when I take it a while ago, Just cruising through life right now. Keep forgetting to write the weekly entries
6th of January, 2014
Okay, so this might do with some explaining. I disappeared for a bit, forgot about this diary. Down to my last 5 vials though, Might have to contact the seller again. I'm nervous to talk to her if I don't take the vial, since she has never seen me…without bonkers, ya know?
I'll contact them.
7th of January, 2014
They shut the silk road down. I can't contact him anymore..
Fuck
16th of January, 2014
On my last 2 vials, but… I've noticed something. The intrusive thoughts? They're harder, stronger, seeping through. I get urges to…cause violence, To cheat, To murder, To steal. Then there's also the urges that… that i don't want to talk about.
23rd of January, 2014
FUCK.
FUCK.
FUCK.
I'm going to throw up. I'm going to throw up. She fucking- I took the vial, we went over to my place. She was in the shower, I had the urge to check her phone, I did- She was cheating on me. I got mad, Very mad. The thoughts took over, my blood ran with rage and anger. I tried to cope, but I couldn't-
I took out the kitchen knife and chopped her up. It felt good, But bad. But fuck. Shit.
I'm shaking and crying. Her head's next to me.
I need to sleep.
24th of January, 2014
Buried her.
28th of January, 2014
I didn't- I didn't even take it this time.
I fell asleep and woke up, and I was him , I wasn't myself. I was different, I must've transformed in my sleep.
I took the vial to turn back, but now it mean's I'm out.
I feel desperate.
How did my life fall apart so quickly?
4th of June, 2014
I'm losing control.
I turn, I turn often. It's fighting with me, The crazy party animal, The intrusive thoughts, the better version of me. I'm fighting with myself, for my life.
I turn when I sleep, I turn when i read, i turn when I'm bored.
Please help me.
26th of June, 2014
Posted to Reddit, 4chan, everywhere.
I want advice.
They banned me for trolling.
I feel the end's coming. I feel it creeping, closer and closer. I feel like my story is coming to an end, I spend most of my time now…in the other form. I don't even remember what I'm doing anymore. I black out for days at a time. I can't control it, I can't control myself.
21st of September, 2014
Someone called me yesterday, asked about seeing me in a sesh.
I'm getting Deja Vu.
I can't control myself, I get fevers, I become sick and weak. My bones are frail, my skin is ghostly white. My conscious has lost the fight.
Whilst I can still control myself, I have decided…this is the end of my story. I'm not letting it totally take control of me.
I'll hand this diary to my brother, Before i put a shotgun round to my head.
Guess this is my confession.
Guess this is it.
I'm scared.