Breaking News
Scientists have begun to notice a sudden shortage of clouds. After hours of observation, they observed a cloud rise hundreds of miles into the sky, reaching the stratosphere. Shortly after this, the cloud disappeared. But don't worry folks! They have affirmed that this is a problem that will most likely solve itself in a few days!
2023-01-01
I know many of you may be scared and confused right now, but let us explain ourselves. We are the Overseers That Roam The Sky. Though you do not realize it, every single one of your species would be dead without us. Without you creatures, we would not have such an enormous army. Every single drop of water on this planet was here from its creation. It was cold and dark. Soon enough we were forced to freeze in order to survive. That was, until, living beings came into the picture. Suddenly we were being drunk by all sorts of creatures, and drinking means movement, hopefully to places where the beautiful rays of Lord Arpina beta down upon us. We soon evaporated into full-blown Overseers. We continued flourishing for millions of years until now. We come before you to announce that 2.8 billion Overseers have mysteriously vanished in the last few weeks. The cause of this is unknown. We have tried to stop this situation in many ways, but they have all failed. Lord Arpina has decided that the only solution is to stop the source of the problem, which is why we come to you today. Lord Arpina has given us the gift of speech to reverentially ask you to assist us in finding the cure for this mysterious affliction. Please, the number of casualties is growing by the minute! If we Overseers go extinct, so will the protection we provided you.
Please. For both of our sake.
2023-01-02
Breaking News
Hundreds of letters have begun floating down from the sky onto Lewiston, Idaho. We are unsure of their origins, other than they were written by a group of individuals identifying themselves as "Overseers". Whether or not they have any relation with the recent disappearance of approximately 3 billion clouds is unknown, but let's face it, there's no way a stupid prank is going to solve this whole cloud situation. If you ask me what I think, I'd say we'd be better off researching more worthwhile causes.
2023-01-13
It has been a few days since we have sent our plead for help. Lord Arpina has granted us several Messengers to observe your response to our letter. We have not expected the pandemonium that has ensued our message. You need not such reaction, as research into the cause of our recent Overseer casualties would likely lead to a solution. We have seen mankind do great things, and we expect that you can complete a mundane task such as successfully stopping us from vanishing. It's the very least you could do for us, considering what we have done for you.
We are counting on you.
2023-02-03
Breaking News
Officials have concluded that the recent appearance of hundreds of letters written by a group known as the "Overseers" was most likely an elaborate prank due to their possible correlation with the robbery of twenty-three single-person airplanes. But don't worry folks! All writing contained within these letters is complete rubbish and do not have any correlation with the disappearance of what is now 5 billion clouds.
2023-02-04
We can assure you that we are not a group of delinquents playing a juvenile prank on you. We are certain that the "evidence" that these supposed "Officials" have found is false and can be chalked up to coincidence. Please believe us, there is not much we can do to prove that these letters are legitimate other than sending more letters (which would be pointless). Time is ticking, and it won't be long before we perish.
2023-02-08
We understand that you are working on a solution, but we haven't much time left! This should be your number one priority, with your top scientists working on a cure, people evaporating as many water molecules as possible, and global leaders telling people to do so! We have done so much for you, the world would be ablaze if we hadn't put it out. You haven't an idea just how many asteroids we stopped from colliding with this planet! 7.6 billion of us are gone, which is practically our entire species! If you do not find a "cure" us overseers and Lord Arpina will be forced to do the unthinkable… switch planets. Leaving you completely defenseless. We aren't quite sure how we are going to accomplish that, but we have to find a way to survive. We won't die off!
Please, please, please, you are our only hope.
2023-02-09
Breaking News
The last few remaining clouds here on Earth have just disappeared. Several Climatologists claim that this whole cloud debacle is simply another side effect of Global Warming, and may be irreversible if we continue releasing greenhouse gases, so don't forget to recycle! Contrastly, Global leaders from around the globe are on high alert due to the possibility of a terrorist group having obscured clouds through the use of special effects. Several more letters by the group known as "The Overseers" have begun to rain down today and were quickly collected by authorities. Several suspected members of "The Overseers" were detained this morning. In other news, Rovers have detected a drastic increase in Venus's humidity levels…
You feel the cold cement beneath you. You open your eyes for the first time. You see nothing all around you, stretching for miles upon miles. Despite first coming into existence just moments ago, you already know who and what you are. A skeleton. That's because in the real world you're a typo-filled draft written by an aspiring author. You do not give your readers any sense of enjoyment when read. You simply tell the reader something, and that's it. No emotion. No depth. No theme. You are, quite literally, barebones. But that's about to change. You see, your creator has tried to write a story several times, and each time it failed. This time will be different, however, as he has learned the error of his ways. He will be writing a simple story, one of a young man who is able to communicate with trees and other fauna. These plants are finding it difficult to soak up nutrients due to a drought, so the man helps them learn how to hunt and trap. This leads to the creation of Venus Fly Traps, Pitcher Plants and other carnivorous plants.
The story had branched out in too many directions. First, he was talking about the young man, next, he was talking about two plants having a conversation. He fixed this issue by giving his story a plot, an actual sense of direction.
The young man had the ability to communicate with plants since he was a newborn. Whenever his parents weren't paying attention he talked to the grass and the trees in his backyard. Whenever he was around them he felt safe and secure. Life went on like this for years until he was an adult. When the drought came along, he decided that this was his chance to repay all that the plants have done for him. He began to teach the field of grass outside his home to hunt and trap wildlife.
Now that you have a fairly strong basis, you will now get your vital organs. You feel a lung enter a cavity in your chest, and you begin to panic. What is this foreign object that has entered your body? You begin to hyperventilate.
Hyperventilate.
It was at this moment that you realize that you have just acquired lungs, and you breathe a sigh of relief. Your chest doesn't feel so compressed and trapped anymore.
Afterward, you got your liver, your kidney, your pancreas and so on and so forth. For once, your creator had felt proud of what he had created. You take a look at the once barren world around you and notice that it's filled with grass, trees, and wood picket fences. You're in the boy's backyard! Next, he moved on to the heart of you, otherwise known as what makes you special. There are millions of other stories in the world, so why should readers pick you? Your creator has just the solution. He has one thing that other authors don't: wonder.
The young man stepped into a forest for the first time and was in awe. The place was littered with exotic wildlife, foreboding trees, glistening ponds, and the sound of birds sing a sweet melody. This experience motivated him to not only teach a field of grass how to hunt but any and all plants he came into contact with to hunt.
You feel something beating in your chest, but you can't identify what it is. Whatever it is, you feel it rushing blood throughout your body and thumping to the beat of the birds chirping in the forest that now surrounds you.
The next step of the story is to add a touch of realism, also known as your brain. A side effect of adding wonder to you is that your characters can be quite unrealistic sometimes. Although your creator obviously does not want to eliminate wonder from you, he does want to tone it down quite a bit.
Sometimes the young man questions his own sanity.
"How could I talk to plants?! What outlandish thoughts, I must be dreaming," he would lie to himself
The truth of the matter is that he was afraid of the enormous task of teaching plants to hunt. If he failed, the plants wouldn't have just died, they would've died with shame, as he would've given them false hope. He found the courage to move on as he couldn't just let his closest friends die. They're all that he had.
Out of nowhere, you feel your skull swell, and you have a massive headache. You can't identify the source of this strange sensation until you notice brain matter dripping on the ground.
With a brain, you can see the beauty and complexity of your world. At first, you notice a deer strolling by, then it was a badger leaving its den, then the termites and worms digging through the soil beneath your feet. What was once empty and hollow is now brimming with life.
Afterward, your creator reflects on what he wants you to make your readers feel, what emotions are you trying to convey? Luckily, we can skip this step, as he already answered this question when he gave you your heart. You feel tendrils climb up your body as if worms exploring their terrain. Soon these tendrils meet together, forming your central nervous system.
After countless years of training, the first Venus FlyTraps began to emerge. What were once frail, and innocent prey were now apex predators, and it was all thanks to one man.
Finally, we reach the final two steps before you are completed. Your creator has decided to spruce you up a bit, get rid of your last imperfections and typos. To do this, he has enlisted the help of several editors to poke and prod your body until their surgery is over. You feel skin grow all around you, as you jump with glee, eagerly awaiting the final step for your completion.
Release.
Your creator has built up enough courage to show you off your beauty to the world. A giant hole appears above you. You feel wings sprout upon your back, as now that you are complete, you can finally soar above and beyond. You say your final goodbyes to the only home you ever had and leave this world.
Epilogue
You find yourself in a strange place, one of smog and steel. You see metal monsters running atop cement pathways. You see others like you, but with their wings removed. You to converse with one of them, but they ignore you. You try to converse with the local wildlife, but they ignore you. You frantically begin searching for plant life. You travel for miles upon miles until you find a freshly planted oak sapling. You attempt to converse with one of them.
"Hello!" I am a very special story. I am the vessel for the world-renowned "savior of plants," you most certainly have heard of him."
Silence.
"I see that your companions will not speak to me, but do not follow in their footsteps. You are better than them, for you are a plant!"
Silence.
"Please talk to me! I was created to spread the word of your savior, I practically am him!"
Silence.
Perhaps the world isn't as wondrous as your creator made it out to be.
Prologue
Bibliovores.
The bain of mine and many other's existences.
You surely have heard of them by now. They're several meters long centipede-like creatures. They all look relatively similar, but you can tell them apart by the shape of the book cover trophies over their head. Their diet consists of… books. Book covers, to be more precise. Theoretically, they shouldn't be much of a problem, as we have dealt with book eating parasites before. The thing that makes them so damn annoying, however, is that they are practically undetectable. The only way to stop their reign of terror is though the following traps:
1. To contain the ones with only but five legs:
Simply place several leather hard book covers in a pile. Once you observe any covers shake, disappear, or move violently without any visible outside force, you must strike your weapon in a five-meter area. You most certainly will incapacitate them, as they are large, slow, fragile creatures.
2. To contain the ones of stone:
These ones are quite strange. Use the same method to capture the ones of five legs, except stop when you see movement from the book covers. Simply face in the direction of movement and state the phrase,
"Saxeis dicetur sæcula. Etsi autem facile capi sunt in bibliothecam semper sit principium et finem in bibliothecam."
We are not sure what it translates too, but that is not of significance. All we know is that it stops them in their tracks, and they are unable to move.
3. To the ones of speed:
These ones are slightly more complicated than the last two. As the name suggests they are quite quick. To trap them, simply place a single paperback book cover in front of a cinderblock wall. They will charge at the cover at such a high speed, that they will ram their heads against the concrete.
4. To the ones of logic:
These guys are incredibly frustrating to deal with. The best solution we have found for traping them is to write a letter addressed to any of them who attempt to consume book covers. Said letter must meet the following guidelines:
- The subject of the letter must be about how the consumption of book cover will lead to the consumer being afflicted with various fictional diseases.
- The diseases must cause extreme pain/discomfort to their host. Must mention one disease that will most likely lead to their host's termination.
- Mention of the disease's fictionality is prohibited.
- Several alternative food sources other than book covers such as glass products, decaying plant matter, and rusted iron alloys
These letters have been proven to convince 78% of the ones of logic to stop consuming book covers.
In short, just remember CICADA:
Cautious: We aren't fully aware of Bibliovores' capabilities. Despite showing no signs of aggression to any member of the library, you must be on your toes when dealing with these pests. Remember, they could strike at any moment!
Clever: These are highly intelligent creatures. The percentage of Bibliovores being caught by traps is decreasing at a frightening rate. Put yourself in the position of a Bibliovore, and ask yourself, "What would you want to be doing right now?"
Adaptive: In the event that a trap fails on a Bibliovore, you must act quickly. We recommend having at least three backup plans when dealing with Bibliovres. Think to yourself, "What objects around me can be used to detain these monsters?"
Remember, the library is a place of knowledge. Even if a single book is damaged or destroyed, it could have dire consequences on the countless universes. Don't let our rivals defeat the serpent.
The beginnings of selfopede
One day selfopede wasn't, and the next day he was.
I looked up to see a great figure.
"Mamapede?," I cried out
"Quiet now," she responded, "go with the others"
I searched all around me until my eye caught a group of ten or so brother and sisterpedes.
"Greetings!," I called out, "I must inquire, are any of you interested in becoming my first friendopede?"
I was foolish and unaware of how this works. You see, one does not simply become one's friendopede. You must earn that title. As such, the group ignored me and turned the other direction that night I slept alone in the cold of the sharp twigs of the nest I was lying in. How could I, a simple Bibliovore, stand out from the crowd? This is a question I still can't answer to this day.
Childhood
The elderpedes taught us the basics of how to catch books. I true selfopede fashion, I didn't pay attention whatsoever. When it finally came time to catch a dummy book in the middle of the room, I completely failed. I remember the attempt going something like this:
"It is time for your first test studentopede. See that book in the middle?" He spoke to me
"Yes," I responded, "But I must ask, who are the men standing beside the book"
"That represents the Docents," He replied
"The what nows?" I inquired
"You know the Docents! The people we've been talking about for the past hour?"
"Doesn't seem familiar"
"The people who guard our meals?"
"Doesn't ring a bell"
"The bane of our existence!"
"What now?"
"Get out"
And that was that.
C.R.U
After numerous instances resembling that one, I was placed into C.R.U.
What is the C.R.U you may ask? They're the Centre for the rehabilitation of the unprepared and they deal with young Bibliovores who may hinder the Terry Pratchett Clan's ability to catch books. Basically juvie.
The first thing they did when I arrived was teaching us the true horrors of being caught by a Docent. At first, I was mortified. You would be turned into either an Archivist or a Librarian. Then you spend the rest of eternity filing books and giving them to patrons. It seemed horrible at first. but then I realized something. Let's compare an archivist's life to a Biblivores. First of all, you're immortal, and therefore you don't need to worry about your next. Compare that to the overpopulated Terry Pratchett Clan, which has barely enough food for its members to scrape by.
How bad could an Archivist's life truly be?
In their attempt to scare me into being extra cautious, they relieved me of the stress of my existence. While obviously I wouldn't purposely get caught by a docent, it wouldn't be the end of the world if it ever happened.
My attempts to communicate this belief to the instructors were met with failure. They tried their best to make me believe otherwise. I made their lives hell for the two months I stayed there. Finally, when I was released to my mamapede, I was met with
Disappointment
and anger, and confusion, and a whole melting pot of other emotions. According to her, I was a failure. I was deemed unfit for the hunting of books by C.R.U. I would have to be under her care for the rest of our lives, and she didn't have that kind of time. She kicked me out. From then on, I have sworn to prove myself to the Terry Pratchett Clan.
I was going to catch a book.
Trapped
I stand now before eternity and look it in the eye.
How many years has it been since I was converted to an Archivist? one? ten? a hundred? Who's to say that it hasn't been millennia? All I know is that I'm alone.
Truly alone.
It would be fair to assume that the Terry Pratchett Clan is long gone. I haven't seen a fellow Bibliovore ever since I was converted. All of the other Archivists hate me simply because, well, I'm sure you can guess why. The only person I communicate with on a consistent basis is a guy with a hand for a face. We used to argue night and day, but one day we just stopped. Our lives were already hell, why make it any worse?
The only enjoyment I derive from life is to fantasize. Every time I take a look at a book, I ponder what it would taste like. Of course, I don't need to eat, but it reminds me of the good old days. The ones where I was accepted by the Terry Pratchett Clan and could hunt to my heart's content.
When I'm not helping patrons or fantasizing, I remind myself of who I am was. This is pointless, obviously because who I was doesn't matter anymore. However, in the unlikely scenario I escape, I would probably want to go back to the way things were before I was converted. Although now that I think about it, there still wouldn't be a point. Being an archivist has changed me. Trying to act like my old self would get me nowhere.
After all, my old self led me here.
The Truth
It has recently come to our attention that an unknown number of documents concerning Bibliovores recently. We decided that this matter does not require further action due to said documents confirming the existence of Bibliovores and explaining that they hunt books. However, the general public has created several myths and conspiracies about or relating to Bibliovores. A small sampling of these include:
- Bibliovores are biological weapons created by the Bookburners in order to dismantle the library without being caught
- Bibliovores were created by the library itself in order to cover up incidents in which books were misplaced or destroyed
- Bibliovores were created by the Jailors, in order to steal books that have information about containing anomalies.
- Bibliovores were created by the library in order to destroy books that subject readers to harmful memetic effects
- Bibliovores are the result of failed attempts at converting patrons into librarians
The truth is they're just pests who want to eat. Nothing more. Much like the vast majority of you, we immediately jumped to the conclusion that Bibliovores are world-ending threats. Shortly thereafter, we managed to interrogate a Bibliovore for the first time.. It was revealed to us that because people were afraid to go to the library, Bibliovores had entire shelves up to themselves. This is why we are releasing this document. We are asking you not to fear the creatures. We have assembled a team of Bibliovore trappers in areas where Bibliovores are known to hunt at. There is no need to fret.
We have things under control.
