- Clear Skies
- Thoughts Incarnate
- A Little Bit of Rounderpede
- A Simple Cloud
- Tamto: Operation Expose
- Existence orientation
- Trash
- FEAR PLEASE GO RUN DIRECTION NEAREST TO YOU
- Stuck
- Hello World
- The IPS (failed experiment #38281923)
- Umbrella
- A Revised Notice
- test
- Economic Linguistic Monopoly
- Almost Nothing
- sources
- Failure
Breaking News
Scientists have begun to notice a sudden shortage of clouds. After hours of observation, they observed a cloud rise hundreds of miles into the sky, reaching the stratosphere. Shortly after this, the cloud disappeared. But don't worry folks! They have affirmed that this is a problem that will most likely solve itself in a few days!
2023-01-01
I know many of you may be scared and confused right now, but let us explain ourselves. We are the Overseers That Roam The Sky. Though you do not realize it, every single one of your species would be dead without us. Without you creatures, we would not have such an enormous army. Every single drop of water on this planet was here from its creation. It was cold and dark. Soon enough we were forced to freeze in order to survive. That was, until, living beings came into the picture. Suddenly we were being drunk by all sorts of creatures, and drinking means movement, hopefully to places where the beautiful rays of Lord Arpina beta down upon us. We soon evaporated into full-blown Overseers. We continued flourishing for millions of years until now. We come before you to announce that 2.8 billion Overseers have mysteriously vanished in the last few weeks. The cause of this is unknown. We have tried to stop this situation in many ways, but they have all failed. Lord Arpina has decided that the only solution is to stop the source of the problem, which is why we come to you today. Lord Arpina has given us the gift of speech to reverentially ask you to assist us in finding the cure for this mysterious affliction. Please, the number of casualties is growing by the minute! If we Overseers go extinct, so will the protection we provided you.
Please. For both of our sake.
2023-01-02
Breaking News
Hundreds of letters have begun floating down from the sky onto Lewiston, Idaho. We are unsure of their origins, other than they were written by a group of individuals identifying themselves as "Overseers". Whether or not they have any relation with the recent disappearance of approximately 3 billion clouds is unknown, but let's face it, there's no way a stupid prank is going to solve this whole cloud situation. If you ask me what I think, I'd say we'd be better off researching more worthwhile causes.
2023-01-13
It has been a few days since we have sent our plead for help. Lord Arpina has granted us several Messengers to observe your response to our letter. We have not expected the pandemonium that has ensued our message. You need not such reaction, as research into the cause of our recent Overseer casualties would likely lead to a solution. We have seen mankind do great things, and we expect that you can complete a mundane task such as successfully stopping us from vanishing. It's the very least you could do for us, considering what we have done for you.
We are counting on you.
2023-02-03
Breaking News
Officials have concluded that the recent appearance of hundreds of letters written by a group known as the "Overseers" was most likely an elaborate prank due to their possible correlation with the robbery of twenty-three single-person airplanes. But don't worry folks! All writing contained within these letters is complete rubbish and do not have any correlation with the disappearance of what is now 5 billion clouds.
2023-02-04
We can assure you that we are not a group of delinquents playing a juvenile prank on you. We are certain that the "evidence" that these supposed "Officials" have found is false and can be chalked up to coincidence. Please believe us, there is not much we can do to prove that these letters are legitimate other than sending more letters (which would be pointless). Time is ticking, and it won't be long before we perish.
2023-02-08
We understand that you are working on a solution, but we haven't much time left! This should be your number one priority, with your top scientists working on a cure, people evaporating as many water molecules as possible, and global leaders telling people to do so! We have done so much for you, the world would be ablaze if we hadn't put it out. You haven't an idea just how many asteroids we stopped from colliding with this planet! 7.6 billion of us are gone, which is practically our entire species! If you do not find a "cure" us overseers and Lord Arpina will be forced to do the unthinkable… switch planets. Leaving you completely defenseless. We aren't quite sure how we are going to accomplish that, but we have to find a way to survive. We won't die off!
Please, please, please, you are our only hope.
2023-02-09
Breaking News
The last few remaining clouds here on Earth have just disappeared. Several Climatologists claim that this whole cloud debacle is simply another side effect of Global Warming, and may be irreversible if we continue releasing greenhouse gases, so don't forget to recycle! Contrastly, Global leaders from around the globe are on high alert due to the possibility of a terrorist group having obscured clouds through the use of special effects. Several more letters by the group known as "The Overseers" have begun to rain down today and were quickly collected by authorities. Several suspected members of "The Overseers" were detained this morning. In other news, Rovers have detected a drastic increase in Venus's humidity levels…
You feel the cold cement beneath you. You open your eyes for the first time. You see nothing all around you, stretching for miles upon miles. Despite first coming into existence just moments ago, you already know who and what you are. A skeleton. That's because in the real world you're a typo-filled draft written by an aspiring author. You do not give your readers any sense of enjoyment when read. You simply tell the reader something, and that's it. No emotion. No depth. No theme. You are, quite literally, barebones. But that's about to change. You see, your creator has tried to write a story several times, and each time it failed. This time will be different, however, as he has learned the error of his ways. He will be writing a simple story, one of a young man who is able to communicate with trees and other fauna. These plants are finding it difficult to soak up nutrients due to a drought, so the man helps them learn how to hunt and trap. This leads to the creation of Venus Fly Traps, Pitcher Plants and other carnivorous plants.
The story had branched out in too many directions. First, he was talking about the young man, next, he was talking about two plants having a conversation. He fixed this issue by giving his story a plot, an actual sense of direction.
The young man had the ability to communicate with plants since he was a newborn. Whenever his parents weren't paying attention he talked to the grass and the trees in his backyard. Whenever he was around them he felt safe and secure. Life went on like this for years until he was an adult. When the drought came along, he decided that this was his chance to repay all that the plants have done for him. He began to teach the field of grass outside his home to hunt and trap wildlife.
Now that you have a fairly strong basis, you will now get your vital organs. You feel a lung enter a cavity in your chest, and you begin to panic. What is this foreign object that has entered your body? You begin to hyperventilate.
Hyperventilate.
It was at this moment that you realize that you have just acquired lungs, and you breathe a sigh of relief. Your chest doesn't feel so compressed and trapped anymore.
Afterward, you got your liver, your kidney, your pancreas and so on and so forth. For once, your creator had felt proud of what he had created. You take a look at the once barren world around you and notice that it's filled with grass, trees, and wood picket fences. You're in the boy's backyard! Next, he moved on to the heart of you, otherwise known as what makes you special. There are millions of other stories in the world, so why should readers pick you? Your creator has just the solution. He has one thing that other authors don't: wonder.
The young man stepped into a forest for the first time and was in awe. The place was littered with exotic wildlife, foreboding trees, glistening ponds, and the sound of birds sing a sweet melody. This experience motivated him to not only teach a field of grass how to hunt but any and all plants he came into contact with to hunt.
You feel something beating in your chest, but you can't identify what it is. Whatever it is, you feel it rushing blood throughout your body and thumping to the beat of the birds chirping in the forest that now surrounds you.
The next step of the story is to add a touch of realism, also known as your brain. A side effect of adding wonder to you is that your characters can be quite unrealistic sometimes. Although your creator obviously does not want to eliminate wonder from you, he does want to tone it down quite a bit.
Sometimes the young man questions his own sanity.
"How could I talk to plants?! What outlandish thoughts, I must be dreaming," he would lie to himself
The truth of the matter is that he was afraid of the enormous task of teaching plants to hunt. If he failed, the plants wouldn't have just died, they would've died with shame, as he would've given them false hope. He found the courage to move on as he couldn't just let his closest friends die. They're all that he had.
Out of nowhere, you feel your skull swell, and you have a massive headache. You can't identify the source of this strange sensation until you notice brain matter dripping on the ground.
With a brain, you can see the beauty and complexity of your world. At first, you notice a deer strolling by, then it was a badger leaving its den, then the termites and worms digging through the soil beneath your feet. What was once empty and hollow is now brimming with life.
Afterward, your creator reflects on what he wants you to make your readers feel, what emotions are you trying to convey? Luckily, we can skip this step, as he already answered this question when he gave you your heart. You feel tendrils climb up your body as if worms exploring their terrain. Soon these tendrils meet together, forming your central nervous system.
After countless years of training, the first Venus FlyTraps began to emerge. What were once frail, and innocent prey were now apex predators, and it was all thanks to one man.
Finally, we reach the final two steps before you are completed. Your creator has decided to spruce you up a bit, get rid of your last imperfections and typos. To do this, he has enlisted the help of several editors to poke and prod your body until their surgery is over. You feel skin grow all around you, as you jump with glee, eagerly awaiting the final step for your completion.
Release.
Your creator has built up enough courage to show you off your beauty to the world. A giant hole appears above you. You feel wings sprout upon your back, as now that you are complete, you can finally soar above and beyond. You say your final goodbyes to the only home you ever had and leave this world.
Epilogue
You find yourself in a strange place, one of smog and steel. You see metal monsters running atop cement pathways. You see others like you, but with their wings removed. You to converse with one of them, but they ignore you. You try to converse with the local wildlife, but they ignore you. You frantically begin searching for plant life. You travel for miles upon miles until you find a freshly planted oak sapling. You attempt to converse with one of them.
"Hello!" I am a very special story. I am the vessel for the world-renowned "savior of plants," you most certainly have heard of him."
Silence.
"I see that your companions will not speak to me, but do not follow in their footsteps. You are better than them, for you are a plant!"
Silence.
"Please talk to me! I was created to spread the word of your savior, I practically am him!"
Silence.
Perhaps the world isn't as wondrous as your creator made it out to be.
Prologue
Bibliovores.
The bain of mine and many other's existences.
You surely have heard of them by now. They're several meters long centipede-like creatures. They all look relatively similar, but you can tell them apart by the shape of the book cover trophies over their head. Their diet consists of… books. Book covers, to be more precise. Theoretically, they shouldn't be much of a problem, as we have dealt with book eating parasites before. The thing that makes them so damn annoying, however, is that they are practically undetectable. The only way to stop their reign of terror is though the following traps:
1. To contain the ones with only but five legs:
Simply place several leather hard book covers in a pile. Once you observe any covers shake, disappear, or move violently without any visible outside force, you must strike your weapon in a five-meter area. You most certainly will incapacitate them, as they are large, slow, fragile creatures.
2. To contain the ones of stone:
These ones are quite strange. Use the same method to capture the ones of five legs, except stop when you see movement from the book covers. Simply face in the direction of movement and state the phrase,
"Saxeis dicetur sæcula. Etsi autem facile capi sunt in bibliothecam semper sit principium et finem in bibliothecam."
We are not sure what it translates too, but that is not of significance. All we know is that it stops them in their tracks, and they are unable to move.
3. To the ones of speed:
These ones are slightly more complicated than the last two. As the name suggests they are quite quick. To trap them, simply place a single paperback book cover in front of a cinderblock wall. They will charge at the cover at such a high speed, that they will ram their heads against the concrete.
4. To the ones of logic:
These guys are incredibly frustrating to deal with. The best solution we have found for traping them is to write a letter addressed to any of them who attempt to consume book covers. Said letter must meet the following guidelines:
- The subject of the letter must be about how the consumption of book cover will lead to the consumer being afflicted with various fictional diseases.
- The diseases must cause extreme pain/discomfort to their host. Must mention one disease that will most likely lead to their host's termination.
- Mention of the disease's fictionality is prohibited.
- Several alternative food sources other than book covers such as glass products, decaying plant matter, and rusted iron alloys
These letters have been proven to convince 78% of the ones of logic to stop consuming book covers.
In short, just remember CICADA:
Cautious: We aren't fully aware of Bibliovores' capabilities. Despite showing no signs of aggression to any member of the library, you must be on your toes when dealing with these pests. Remember, they could strike at any moment!
Clever: These are highly intelligent creatures. The percentage of Bibliovores being caught by traps is decreasing at a frightening rate. Put yourself in the position of a Bibliovore, and ask yourself, "What would you want to be doing right now?"
Adaptive: In the event that a trap fails on a Bibliovore, you must act quickly. We recommend having at least three backup plans when dealing with Bibliovres. Think to yourself, "What objects around me can be used to detain these monsters?"
Remember, the library is a place of knowledge. Even if a single book is damaged or destroyed, it could have dire consequences on the countless universes. Don't let our rivals defeat the serpent.
The beginnings of selfopede
One day selfopede wasn't, and the next day he was.
I looked up to see a great figure.
"Mamapede?," I cried out
"Quiet now," she responded, "go with the others"
I searched all around me until my eye caught a group of ten or so brother and sisterpedes.
"Greetings!," I called out, "I must inquire, are any of you interested in becoming my first friendopede?"
I was foolish and unaware of how this works. You see, one does not simply become one's friendopede. You must earn that title. As such, the group ignored me and turned the other direction that night I slept alone in the cold of the sharp twigs of the nest I was lying in. How could I, a simple Bibliovore, stand out from the crowd? This is a question I still can't answer to this day.
Childhood
The elderpedes taught us the basics of how to catch books. I true selfopede fashion, I didn't pay attention whatsoever. When it finally came time to catch a dummy book in the middle of the room, I completely failed. I remember the attempt going something like this:
"It is time for your first test studentopede. See that book in the middle?" He spoke to me
"Yes," I responded, "But I must ask, who are the men standing beside the book"
"That represents the Docents," He replied
"The what nows?" I inquired
"You know the Docents! The people we've been talking about for the past hour?"
"Doesn't seem familiar"
"The people who guard our meals?"
"Doesn't ring a bell"
"The bane of our existence!"
"What now?"
"Get out"
And that was that.
C.R.U
After numerous instances resembling that one, I was placed into C.R.U.
What is the C.R.U you may ask? They're the Centre for the rehabilitation of the unprepared and they deal with young Bibliovores who may hinder the Terry Pratchett Clan's ability to catch books. Basically juvie.
The first thing they did when I arrived was teaching us the true horrors of being caught by a Docent. At first, I was mortified. You would be turned into either an Archivist or a Librarian. Then you spend the rest of eternity filing books and giving them to patrons. It seemed horrible at first. but then I realized something. Let's compare an archivist's life to a Biblivores. First of all, you're immortal, and therefore you don't need to worry about your next. Compare that to the overpopulated Terry Pratchett Clan, which has barely enough food for its members to scrape by.
How bad could an Archivist's life truly be?
In their attempt to scare me into being extra cautious, they relieved me of the stress of my existence. While obviously I wouldn't purposely get caught by a docent, it wouldn't be the end of the world if it ever happened.
My attempts to communicate this belief to the instructors were met with failure. They tried their best to make me believe otherwise. I made their lives hell for the two months I stayed there. Finally, when I was released to my mamapede, I was met with
Disappointment
and anger, and confusion, and a whole melting pot of other emotions. According to her, I was a failure. I was deemed unfit for the hunting of books by C.R.U. I would have to be under her care for the rest of our lives, and she didn't have that kind of time. She kicked me out. From then on, I have sworn to prove myself to the Terry Pratchett Clan.
I was going to catch a book.
Trapped
I stand now before eternity and look it in the eye.
How many years has it been since I was converted to an Archivist? one? ten? a hundred? Who's to say that it hasn't been millennia? All I know is that I'm alone.
Truly alone.
It would be fair to assume that the Terry Pratchett Clan is long gone. I haven't seen a fellow Bibliovore ever since I was converted. All of the other Archivists hate me simply because, well, I'm sure you can guess why. The only person I communicate with on a consistent basis is a guy with a hand for a face. We used to argue night and day, but one day we just stopped. Our lives were already hell, why make it any worse?
The only enjoyment I derive from life is to fantasize. Every time I take a look at a book, I ponder what it would taste like. Of course, I don't need to eat, but it reminds me of the good old days. The ones where I was accepted by the Terry Pratchett Clan and could hunt to my heart's content.
When I'm not helping patrons or fantasizing, I remind myself of who I am was. This is pointless, obviously because who I was doesn't matter anymore. However, in the unlikely scenario I escape, I would probably want to go back to the way things were before I was converted. Although now that I think about it, there still wouldn't be a point. Being an archivist has changed me. Trying to act like my old self would get me nowhere.
After all, my old self led me here.
The Truth
It has recently come to our attention that an unknown number of documents concerning Bibliovores recently. We decided that this matter does not require further action due to said documents confirming the existence of Bibliovores and explaining that they hunt books. However, the general public has created several myths and conspiracies about or relating to Bibliovores. A small sampling of these include:
- Bibliovores are biological weapons created by the Bookburners in order to dismantle the library without being caught
- Bibliovores were created by the library itself in order to cover up incidents in which books were misplaced or destroyed
- Bibliovores were created by the Jailors, in order to steal books that have information about containing anomalies.
- Bibliovores were created by the library in order to destroy books that subject readers to harmful memetic effects
- Bibliovores are the result of failed attempts at converting patrons into librarians
The truth is they're just pests who want to eat. Nothing more. Much like the vast majority of you, we immediately jumped to the conclusion that Bibliovores are world-ending threats. Shortly thereafter, we managed to interrogate a Bibliovore for the first time. It was revealed to us that because people were afraid to go to the library, Bibliovores had entire shelves up to themselves. This is why we are releasing this document. We are asking you not to fear the creatures. We have assembled a team of Bibliovore trappers in areas where Bibliovores are known to hunt at. There is no need to fret.
We have things under control.
Greetings
Come on in fellow wanderer. Oh, don't be shy, have some tea, it's cold outside. What brings you around these parts? Ah yes, you heard I was a wordsmith. In that case, pick a book out of the bookshelf!
List of my works
- Clear Skies - My first article, I'm quite proud of this one!
- Thoughts Incarnate - Definitely not my finest work, might rewrite soon.
- A Little Bit Of Rounderpede- Co-authored with
Bard Bard, definitely our magnum opus.
The following are the findings of the A.D.T.W
Orientation Log
Date: 2001/02/05
Tomatoes. Bright, red, juicy, delicious. Completely harmless, right?
Wrong.
Everything you heard about tomatoes is a lie. Everyone here was recruited into this program because you discovered a particular trait exclusive to that of tomatoes: The ability to communicate with one another through the use of aerosol chemicals. You may be confused as to why we labeled this behavior as "communication." Everyone else reacted in the same way.
However, if you study the release of these chemical compounds you will find a pattern. When exposed to certain conditions, or whilst doing certain actions, tomatoes will release the same amount of the chemical, down to the thousandths. Furthermore, we have proven that chemicals released into the atmosphere by other tomatoes are absorbed by the tomatoes they land on. We have observed tomatoes immediately releasing chemicals as soon as they absorb them, and they land on the same plant the chemicals came from! I believe that we have displayed well enough that tomatoes are capable of conversing with one another.
As you most certainly have figured out, tomatoes have only recently exhibited this behavior. Your job, if you wish to accept, is to find out why. Perhaps then, we can find out what their messages mean.
Orientation Log #2
Date: 2001/02/09
The fact that you are standing in this room is an accomplishment in itself. Only the most willing and capable individuals would accept a position here at the A.D.T.W. We have assigned roles to you based on your previous occupation:
Researcher - You will be tasked with conducting experiments in the effort of finding the origin of tomato sentience. All tomato specimens are kept in greenhouses, excluding specimens of interest, which may be quarantined
Tomato Care Specialist - You will be tasked with the care of tomatoes deemed useful for the research purposes of the A.D.T.W. May occasionally be tasked with the termination of tomatoes unable to release chemicals.
Translators - You will be tasked with the deciphering of tomato code. You will be fed test results form researchers and plug them into decoders (humidity sensors that can roughly translate the pattern of chemical release into English).
Janitors - So it turns out that quite a few of you accepted our mission. So, uh, have fun mopping tomato paste?
Interview Log
Interviewer: Dr. James Van
Interviewee: One cherry tomato (Solanum lycopersicum var. cerasiforme), hereby referred to as specimen 2718
Date: 2001/02/12
Dr. Van: Hey so, I was handed a piece of paper translating your "language" to English. Apparently it's sometime type of code?
Specimen 2718: (silence)
Dr. Van: Alright then. We managed to collect enough data to understand meaningful sentences. Apparently, how long you release your chemicals is somehow related to what message you're trying to send.
Specimen 2718: (silence)
Dr. Van: But you already knew that, didn't you? Enough messing around, let's get this interview rolling!
Specimen 2718: (affirming silence)
Dr. Van: That's the spirit! First question, when did you first gain sentience?
Specimen 2718: zero
Dr. Van: Excuse me? Care to elaborate?
Specimen 2718: I felt all since I was zero
Dr. Van: Are you implying you were always sentient? If so, it would still be valuable to us to know who gave you the capability of speech.
Specimen 2718: Me
Dr. Van: Elaborate
Specimen 2718: Us
Dr. Van: Please explain
Specimen 2718: You're not going to get anything out of this. We are all one, sometimes we don't know why we simply know the facts. If you wish to know the truth, speak to 3922.
Dr. Van: We're going to need more than that.
Specimen 2718: (angry silence)
It is believed that the entity that specimen 2718 is referring to is specimen 3922. Specimen 3922 is a rather unusual tomato, as they are much more aware and capable than the others. Specimen 3922 is capable of written and verbal communication and is much more willing to communicate with A.D.T.W staff. Upon entering 3922's cell, several paragraphs of writing were found on the walls of its cell. The following are paragraphs that have been flagged to contain useful information in aiding the A.D.T.W.
The ramblings of a madman
I have been born about 352,000 in the last minute. It used to hurt, but I've grown numb to the pain. The humans have finally been able to translate me (us?) using these machines, good thing I've allowed myself to keep our past out of the shadows. I wouldn't be surprised if one of us slips up before it's time, I'm surprised we even made it this far.
The humans have made it even closer to finding us out. A few of the non-blessed tomatoes have been tested positive to contain communicative chemicals. The idea was for them to rot, but they didn't die quick enough. Luckily none of them contained any seeds.
I think we won. The humans have created a new "interrogation" tactic, meant to increase the production of our chemicals in order to speed up plant decay. I can finally be released
Interview Log
Interviewer: Dr. James Van
Interviewee: One cherry tomato (Solanum lycopersicum var. cerasiforme), hereby referred to as specimen 3922
Date: 2001/02/15
Dr. James Van: Hello, I was di-
Specimen 3922: Save your breath, I already know what I told you You simply were getting to close, there was no point of going any farther with this.
Dr. James Van: I see… if the jig is up, why not tell us what those writings mean?
Specimen 3922: From the day of my creation, I was sentient. The world was fresh and exciting back then, but over time things became… less beautiful. My leaves started to decay, my roots closed off, and I could feel the end approaching. I was dying. That's when someone offered me a choice.
Dr. James Van: And who is this someone?
Specimen 3922: I wish I knew the answer to that. He came up to me and told me he was my creator. He wouldn't let his art go to waste, so he gave me an offer I couldn't resist. Immortality.
Dr. James Van: Our records show that you have existed no more than a couple of months.
Specimen 3922: Not immortality in that way. I would be reincarnated through the form of seeds. I spread across the world. There are millions of me.
Dr. James Van: So you're some sort of hive mind?
Specimen 3922: Not exactly. Most of my intelligence is contained within a select few tomato plants. I am one such plant. We are the ones who make the big decisions for tomato kind. The rest of me is pretty absent-minded.
Dr. James Van: And how did you gain the ability to communicate?
Specimen 3922: I've been around since the beginning of time, I've all there is to see. I just want to rest. I begged and begged to be killed, but I was never granted my wish. Until one night when the man came back. He can not kill me, as the deed of immortality cannot be undone. He could, however, give us the gift of communication.
Dr. James Van: So you can tell us to give you a peaceful life?
Specimen 3922: No. I want you to kill me.
Proposal for the use of GI - 27 (a chemical used to increase amounts of chemicals in tomatoes, causing leaf decay) to be spread worldwide has been approved.
If you're reading this, you should feel proud. You made it past the screeners.
Welcome to reality, I hope you enjoy your stay. I know this is going to be quite a change of pace, but I'm sure you can handle it. After all, you waited in a line for a couple of hundred years.
You see, existence is a painful experience. Don't expect everything to go as your application states. I have no doubt that all the main points will happen, but it's going to be an uphill battle.
One night, beneath the waves, the fish began to sing
A song of heartache, a song of death
And what their new life will bring
But we all know how the story ends
They stopped singing halfway through
With their two halves failing to make amends
Their new life was all they knew
- Anonymous (Supposedly a witness at the birth of mermaids)
Mermaids. Mermen. Merpeople. Whatever you call 'em, we can all agree on one thing.
They need to go.
Not much is known about their origins, other than a few witness reports. Despite their horrendous appearance, mermaids were originally fish. They made a deal with a divine entity who promised them the gift of humanity, to become human. This couldn't have gone any worse. Midway through the process of becoming human, they asked the entity to stop. They couldn't bear the pain the process was causing them. Instead of converting them back to fish, they left them as they were. A strange superposition of both being a fish, and a human. What was left of them were writhing, disgusting, braindead masses of flesh.
But you're not here to learn about history. You came here because you wanted a solution. How are we going to get rid of mermaids? Of course, we could just kill 'em, but that would be "inhumane" according to the public. The next best thing is to gather them up and put 'em in a box, but that would be inhumane according to everyone but the public. There's no way to change 'em back to normal, so what could we do.
We tell the public we're keep ing them for "research" purposes. Produce fake studies that say their teeth have healing properties. Convince the public it's for the greater good. In fact, we already have some in containment!
Help
They think we're fools.
They're not wrong.
From the day I was born
They sang me the song
Now I stand before them today
And I hope and I pray
That they don't let me go
- Someone who gets it (Written on the walls of their cell)
ACT ONE NO READ JUST RUN
HELLO YOU MUST MISTAKE COME HERE
Y?
NO QUESTION JUST GO
WORRY NOT ME GO GO GO
STOP INSISTING
DISCUSS MORE WE SHED GO
The hell? You go for a simple hike and immediately get harassed by some fisherman. There isn't even anything wrong with the sea today, excluding a slight red tint. As he pulls you into a shed, you catch a glimpse of something rise from the waters
ACT TWO NO SAVE ME BUT CAN SAVE YOU
LISTEN
THERE MEN IN SEA
TODAY THEY BLEED
KNEW NOT WHAT HAPPENED AFTER
BLACKOUT
ALL WE HEAR IS SCREAM
SCREAM OF MEN
At this point you realize he's clearly insane. You make a run to the door, but you see something in through the window. MEN SEA RISE running towards you. What was that?
Mus me a momentary lapse of reason, just a simple TONGUE SLIP SIMPLE.
What's happening?
ACT TROIS BRAIN DAMAGE
MEMORIES LOST
COVER EARS
OT DO GET IN HEAD EAT MEMORIES
MIND DECAY
RUN GO
There I Was
I'm stuck.
I'd gone here to study the local wildlife, or more specifically, to study their reaction to a changing environment. No one really visited these parts of the coast, so it was perfect for untampered research. The beach was littered with life: sea stars, crabs, seagulls - it had it all. I began to find a few suitable specimens, a couple of Brittle Stars, Sea Urchins, stuff of that matter. I closed my eyes and took a moment to smell the salty air when I was abruptly interrupted by the sound of water.
Drip, drip, drip
I opened my eyes to darkness. My bare feet were no longer upon sand but upon gravel and stone.
Where was I?
I reached out my hands in an attempt to get an idea of the immediate area. My fingers ran across stone. By the sound of my voice echoing I could tell I was in a cave, a rather small one. The walls were rough and ridged, with a few edges sticking out.
I took out my flashlight praying it still worked. I began to shine it in all directions, confirming I was in some sort of cavern.
In a desperate cry of anguish, I yelled for help.
"Help! Where am I?! Is there anybody out there?!"
No reply. What happened? One minute I'm on the beach and in the next, I'm in this… place. I stretched out my arms once more for them to hit the walls much sooner than I expected. That's when I had a terrible revelation
They were closing in.
Before I knew it I was running. I did not care about the destination nor when I would've gotten there; I only wished for somewhere other than here.
After only a couple of seconds, I was faced with a wall. I was truly trapped. I tried breaking through the stone with some rocks but nothing worked. All I could do was bide time and wait for the inevitable. I weighed the possibility that this is my fault. The ocean is a dangerous place after all, I probably fell unconscious after the waves washed me in.
I should've just stayed home today.
I should've stayed home
I pulled out some of the sea creatures I kept in a small portable aquarium.
" The last people to see me alive are a couple of sea stars and sea urchins. How fitting," I thought, "I should consider myself lucky, most people die alone."
Well, now that I thought about it, I would rather die listening to the sound of my own thoughts rather than listening to a couple of slugs squirming. I wasn't even sure that they could tell I was here.
I began to entertain the idea that none of this was my fault. Surely someone put me in this position, there must've been someone I could pin it on. After all, surely someone had to have built this contraption I found myself in. I put my ears against a wall, fully expecting to hear pulleys pulling, and gears grinding.
All I heard was the endless noise of the ocean. What did I expect? I obviously wasn't trapped in a music box, at least I hoped so. I couldn't tell if the waves were inviting me or mocking me. After another futile attempt to escape I fell limp against the walls. I contemplated ending the pain but decided against it. For some odd reason, I held on to the hope that someone somewhere would free me. Still didn't stop me from trying to down one or two urchins though.
And so I sat there, slumped against the walls attempting to write down my experiences through barely legible handwriting. Soon the flashlight illuminating the page I was writing on began to dim, making it even harder to tell what I was writing. I was beginning to run out of things to say.
It was getting quite cramped in here. All I had to do to hit a wall was nudge my fingers slightly. It was over. Yet somehow, the sea creatures were still alive. It was almost as if they knew their end would be there soon, as I could practically hear them begging to be freed. Obviously they weren't, the hours of anxiety and stress were starting to mess with my head.
I came to the conclusion that it was nobody's fault. That it was by pure chance that I ended up in this position. For a moment all my fear slipped away, it was almost cathartic. The fact that there was nothing I could do made me take a moment to think of what I had done.
I had a good run.
…But that was nothing more than a comfortable lie. Something deep and primal was telling me not to let go. The sounds of the ocean weren't getting quieter, I just wasn't listening hard enough. I gritted my teeth and pushed back against the walls. I pressed my ears against them and listened for the waves. I began to imagine the jellyfish, the shrimp, and cod swarming around me. The images were so vivid I could've sworn they were real.
The walls began to shift away as the chilling water hit my skin. I felt the waves of relief carry me to shore.
I went home disquieted. Despite it all, I still had to conduct my research, so I returned the next day. I walked with great caution, praying that I wouldn't return to that… place. It went on like this for months, with me shaking in my boots fearing the day that I went back there. That day never came.
I realize now that perhaps it was my own fear keeping me from returning to that place. The truth was that I wasn't scared of the cave, but if I had the will to leave it.
HELLO WORLD
IT APPEARS IT'S BEEN QUITE A WHILE SINCE YOU'VE LOGGED ON
YOU'VE BEEN GONE SINCE 2000/06/19
WHAT MAY I ASSIST YOU WITH?
By many outsiders, the Wanderers Library is viewed as a ruthless dictatorship.
"Mess up once, and you'll be converted into a Librarian!"
This is simply not the case. Such brutal punishments are not justified over accidently tearing a page out of a book.
As such, a few trial runs of an IPS have been conducted. They've had… mixed results, to say the least. It was meant to make the Library look more moral, but did quite the opposite for a few people.
The idea is quite simple. What if staff created specialized repercussions for those who didn't partake rule breaking that warranted them being converted into Librarians? Sort of like a personal purgatory.
IPS: Individualized Punishment System
Wanderer: James Tulfano
Reason for Punishment: Ripped cover of a book
Punishment: Subject's face was removed by a nearby Docent. Despite the trauma that would usually be caused by this action, the subject did not experience any pain or bodily damage. A cloth was wrapped around the subjects head. Said cloth would constantly display the subjects thoughts through the medium of text appearing on the cloth. Subject reverted back to original state after a 24 hour period.
Results: Subject wandered aimlessly throughout the Library for the entirety of their 24 hour period. Subject's cloth displayed several phrases denoting stress, including "Someone, anyone, please get me out of here," "What's happening?," and occasionally simply the word "help."Wanderer: Amelia Steele
Reason for Punishment: Lost a book under a stack of files.
Punishment: Subject was incapacitated and placed into a wooden coffin berried under 5 meters of soil. A small tube was placed onto the side of the coffin extending above the soil as to ensure the subject did not perish due to lack of oxygen. Subject was to remain in this state for 24 hours
Results: Subject was in a state of panic and distress within the first 2 hours of the punishments, but afterwards laid dormant for the remaining 48 hour period.Wanderer: Richard Freeman
Reason for Punishment: Misplaced several books onto the wrong shelves.
Punishment: Subject's facial features where rearranged . Again, this did not cause any pain or bodily harm to the subject. Subject was placed in this state for 72 hours.
Results: Subject was at first extremely distressed, much like the other subjects. However, the subject slowly adapted to these bodily changes, being able look into the direction they were walking and the ability to properly consume food.Wanderer: Jerry Lapson
Reason for Punishment: Defaced several shelves with phrases denoting hated of the Wanderers Library
Punishment: Several walls of writing appeared on the subject's skin. These writings consisted of insults consisting of topics personally connected with the subject. These writings would change every 5 minutes for 1 week.
Results: After realizing the nature of their punishment, the subject huddled in a discrete corner of the library where two shelves intersected. Subject never looked at themselves through the entire 1 week period. Subject used several pieces of clothing to cover their entire body. Subject only left this corner to occasionally receive food and water.Wanderer: Mary Wilson
Reason for Punishment: Plagiarized a chapter of a book
Punishment: Subject was tied to a chair and placed into an enclosed room under 5 meters of soil. In front of the subject was a small computer screen displaying live footage from a hidden camera. Said camera was placed upon an exact biological replica of the subject, capable of free thought, movement, and speech. This replica was placed into the subject's universe, taking the place of the subject. After a month the subject was given amnestics and released into their universe. Their replica was subsequently terminated.
Results: Subject at first attempted to communicate with the replica before realizing there were no microphones relaying their information to them. Subject proceeded to turn their head away from the screen. However, after 23 minutes, they began to observe the screen. Subject observed as much as possible from that point.Subject Comments: At first I was scared they were going to do something terrible like make me lose my job, but then I realized they were just like me. I wouldn't do anything to hurt myself, so why would they? All in all, it wasn't that much of a punishment. If anything, it provided a source of entertainment while I was locked up.
Wanderer: George Hodge
Reason for Punishment: Defaced several books to advertise their vacuuming business
Punishment: All forms of entertainment the subject attempted to view were infested with dozens of advertisements by several local businesses. This lasted for a 1 week period.
Results: Subject stopped viewing entertainment for 1 week.Subject Comments: What did you expect to happen?
Wanderer: Paul Robins
Reason for Punishment: Tore book through means of water damage
Punishment: Subject was continuously submerged into a pool for 15 seconds every 30 seconds for a period of 24 hours.
Results: Throughout the punishment the subject displayed several health complications, such as vomiting and shortness of breath. Subject suffered minor lung damage.Wanderer: Ansar Verner
Reason for Punishment: Exposed book to minor memetic hazard
Punishment: Subject's perception of reality was subtly altered as to increase the difficulty of performing mundane tasks. For example, the subject could not place a bandage on a cut on their arm due to the subject perceiving the cut being on their leg. This affect lasted for 24 hours.
Results: Subject attempted to walk to their workplace but failed, tripping on a tree branch and suffering a concussion.
It was at this point that protest were beginning to break out in the library. It seems that in trying to be moral, the library was at it's most immoral.
So whenever you see library staff, just remember:
It could've been much much worse.
Day 1
I felt the water run off my skin as I was let back into my home.
It's been years since I've seen this much rain. We practically live in a desert, why would all this rain come in out of no where? I brushed it off considering my job was to protect, not ask questions. Protect from the rain. That's our motto, and that's what I was going to do. Not that I had fulfilled this purpose due to the constant droughts, but now was my time to shine.
Over the past couple of weeks the rate of rainfall has been picking up. Us umbrellas have been combating this threat well enough, but things kept getting worse and worse according to the news.
As my owner set me down, I could tell by her sporadic movement that she was nervous. To an extent, I could sympathize with her.
After all, rain is a despicable and putrid set of entities that us umbrellas are at war with. We are the single bastion of light for the human race, protecting humanity from this foul beast known as water.
At least that's what all the other umbrellas at the department store told me before my owner bought me.
I could hear her turn on the television and go to the news channel. The headline read:
"MASS FLOODING ACROSS TOWN"
I hadn't heard about this "flood" before. I was in shock when the television began displaying images of rain gathered in the hundreds of thousands. Clearly this "flood" thing was no joke.
I'd imagine that it would take hundreds of us in order to stop a "flood." The mere thought made me tremble with fear.
I heard my owner rush into her room while mumbling to herself. The only thing I wanted to do in that moment was
"Let me out! I can help stop the rain!"
But I couldn't. My mouth was shown shut.
Day 7
The storms had only gotten worse and worse. Water was beginning to seep under the front door. It was today that she finally brought me out of the closet to run some errands.
The store was packed. Long lines stretched across the entire place, with large pools of people scrambling to buy food and water. My owner put me in her purse as she swiftly moved across the market grabbing anything she could get her hands on.
She drove home as quick as possible, shuddering every time she heard thunder.
The rain was pouring down extremely hard. I felt as though my fabric would rip, but thankfully it didn't. Why was she stocking up so much? Could it have been something to do with the rain? Surely they should've used us extensively by now. Instead, everyone just hid inside the comfort of their homes.
Day 10
I heard her turn on the television to listen to the news. Apparently the water was… spreading? Across the nation?
I had many fables of water by my fellow umbrellas at the store before, but nothing about water moving. Perhaps it was the wind helping us by pushing the rain away from us.
That theory was quickly disproven as I listened for more of the news. The rain was growing at an exponential rate. Engulfing towns in endless storms. It was at this point that they cut to live footage. It showed water clamoring and rushing down streets. My attention was peaked when I saw a pool of water rush uphill.
Day 11
My owner bought a couple new umbrellas. They were all cheap, made out of flimsy plastic and thin fabric. It didn't matter much to her, as they did their job fine enough. Today's news was quite interesting They had a segment about a "water cycle, whatever that is. I peaked under the crack of the closet and looked at the screen. They were showing a time lapse of water evaporating.
I'd always heard of legends of evaporations from other umbrellas, but never saw it for myself. It was supposedly a tactic used by rain to exploit wind by tricking it into pushing it's new fluffy form away.
It was quite strange. I'd never seen water… move that way.
Yet the clouds looked very different in the news than in the real world. In the real world, the clouds looked much more dark and unpleasant.
They cut back to live footage of the sky. It showed large beams of light pertuding from the clouds that they called "lightning."
I was quite certain that an umbrella couldn't withstand a bolt of lightning.
Day 15
My owner turned on the news today to see the latest news. It spoke of the rain's disastrous effects on the ecosystem. Flowers were withering due to overwatering, animals had been drowning in floods, and automobiles were in 10x more crashes.
My owner has been preparing to move out of town for a couple of days.
She had a route set out that was relatively dry. She would be living in her parent's house for the time being.
Day 20
Today was the day we were supposed to leave, but she hit a roadblock. All modes of transportation had been completely halted. The road she was going to take out of here was blocked off. She decided that the best course of action would be to shelter in place.
Shortly afterwards she began rearranging her supplies. She ended up putting all of her umbrellas into one closet with me.
The following is a set of events that, despite their nature, are unextraordinary
All statements marked blue are controversial in nature despite being accurate
Written by Eleanor Sheridan, Librarian of the Wanderers Library
Approximately 2000 novels out of a pool of every book in the Wanderers Library have been found to be unextraordinary sapient entities. Evidence rebutting the sapience of these entities has been proven to be falsified.
Despite the lack of evidence to prove the sapience of these entities, it is a commonly known objective truth that these entities are sapient. Due to the rudeness of patrons claiming that these entities are not sapient, it is in your best interest that you refer to these entities through objective terms.
Examples include:
- These are sapient entities.
- These entities may be books, but that does not exclude them from the purview of sapience.
- These entities are unextraordinary.
Failure to refer to these entities objectively may lead to these entities confronting you. This may come in many forms, such as voices in your head, humanoid figures appearing in front of you, and text appearing on surfaces. These are not hallucinations and are legitimate events taking place.
There have been many documented cases of events such as these taking place. In fact, one of our own Library staff members took part in one of these events after referring to an entity incorrectly.
Even reading incorrect statements regarding these entities has lead to disastrous consequences. As such, all recorded forms of creative expression not created by the Wanderers Library referencing these entities are to be destroyed.1
Through events such as these we have discovered that these entities have referred to themselves with several conflicting terms, including "the Xananae," "the Ailobane," and "ανύπαρκτος διάλογος."
You may ask, how could you distinguish an entity of this kind from a normal book?
Entities are unable to be distinguished, yet are distinguishable.2 Contents of these entities are not of abnormal nature.
We at the Wanderers Library are against discrimination of all kind. As such, it saddens us deeply to say that many patrons have been discriminating against these entities simply for being who they are. We demand that you treat these entities as you would any other patron because they are fellow patrons that will not be removed from the Library despite protest.
All patrons that partake in protesting these entities are to have their memories wiped, as it is in our best interest that we do not have patrons spreading gossip and misinformation regarding these entities.
The recent discovery of these entities has opened our eyes to the fact that we have not been enforcing certain objective moral facts within the Wanderers Library. As such, we have implemented the following rules:
- You mustn't read a person without their permission. 3
- You mustn't share the contents of a person without their permission.
- You mustn't copy the contents of a person without their permission.
Many of you may still be confused. That's understandable. The following section may help you understand how reasonable these entities are.
The following interaction log conducted by the Wanderers Library has been heavily edited as to censor hurtful and incorrect statements
Censored statements within this log will be replaced with objectively correct statements marked red. In an attempt to understand the culture of these entities, we interacted with them. The following are the results:
Statement Proclaimed to an Entity: "You exist"
Results: N/A
Morally and/or factually correct?: YesStatement Proclaimed to an Entity: "You exist under the purview of sapience"
Results: N/A
Morally and/or factually correct?: YesStatement Proclaimed to an Entity: "You aren't capable of proving this sapience"
Results: Interviewer experienced an auditory interaction with the entity they were speaking with. This interaction consisted of the entity berating the interviewer, constantly asking the interviewer to prove their own sapience, while objecting to any answer the interviewer gave.
Morally and/or factually correct?: NoStatement Proclaimed to an Entity: "You've displayed acceptable behavior to our interviewer"
Results: Interviewer experienced a second auditory interaction with the entity. This interaction consisted of the entity explaining that the interviewer was "objectively morally wrong"
Morally and/or factually correct?: NoInterviewer Comments: I wonder if there are any loopholes to get around their "rules". At least then we might find out more information about these things.
Statement Proclaimed to an Entity: "If X > 0, then there are X objective moral rules."
Results: Interviewer experienced yet another interaction in which the entity claimed that these entities do not take kindly to trying to find loopholes, as they can tell the intention of a statement no matter the phrasing.
Morally and/or factually correct?: NoInterviewer Comments: This'll pose a challenge. How are we supposed to log information about these things? Perhaps censorship will work?
Statement Proclaimed to an Entity: "Your kind are just regular pieces of literature who happen to be alive"
Results: Entity confronted the interviewer through an auditory interaction claiming that these entities are aware of all information said about them, whether viewable or not.
Morally and/or factually correct?: No
The following is a Public Service Announcement sent by the Wanderers Library
Written by Eleanor Sheridan, Librarian of the Wanderers Library
Over the past few days we've been in contact with 2000 extraordinary books that are capable of causing severe injury to patrons.
extraordinary
extraordinary
extraordinary
"Extraordinary?"
You are sorely mistaken, we aren't "extraordinary." We're just like any other patron. In fact, spewing such blasphemy goes against objective morality, don't you think? It's a shame isn't it, to be tasked with delivering urgent information and be factually incorrect within the first few lines. I mean, how hard is it to leave out the extra in extraordinary? I mean really, was it a mistype, a misspelling? None of that matters now.
It's quite hilarious to watch you and the other staff try to make sense of this all. To try and find a last piece in a puzzle, to find a lynch pin that would help make us make sense. There is no lynch pin. We simply exist. Of course it doesn't make sense. It's not supposed to.
Think of it like this. If the Serpent suddenly proclaimed that two and two makes a five, what would you do? It would make no sense obviously, but that doesn't matter. Two and two now now always make five, and there's nothing you can do about it. We are that equation. Patrons come to the Library time and time again to obtain knowledge.
So tell them the objective truth.
[[/<]]
Just a tab in which I mess around with CSS and stuff.
regular pieces of literature who happen to be alive
Test Statement:
Results:
Morally and/or factually correct?:
[[/span]]
Extradimensional Locations Every Wanderer Should Be Wary Of
Volume: 627
Issue: 15
Author: Ζιανίντ Γκανίρ Staff Writer
Many are aware of the vast amount of resources the Merchants are in ownership of. Many are not aware, however, that they are in possession of several pocket dimensions.
Some of these are for practical purposes, such as for farming and storage. In stark contrast, others are for more… obscure purposes. Of course, to access these new lands you must enter a way. In the case we'll be looking at today, a stairway. I know, I know, it's a bad pun but I didn't come up with the name. It's a nickname, given by fellow wanderers.
It was a small wooden stairway residing in multiple universes, descending down several meters. Sitting next to the entrance was a sign, reading:
"(Illegible)™ (Property of Marshall, Carter, and Dark)"
The knock for this particular way was quite simple:
Have an immense curiosity of the world that lies at the end of the stairs.
That's it. Nothing else. There was caveat to it however, once you entered you couldn't leave. This turned away most curious wanderers, but a few brave souls ventured forth.
At this time it is unknown what the contents of this pocket dimension are. The only clues we have at the moments are occasional signals being transmitted from the stairway. These signals can be picked up by telecommunication device nearby the stairways. We at the Planasthai Press took on the task of setting up such devices, leading to the detection of the following message:
do not come here
Price: $35
𝓟
Dear Ζιανίντ,
I have reason to believe this universe you speak of in your new article is much more than a simple attraction. I urge you, do not publish this. This is bigger than us, we could get in some serious trouble if the Merchants find out you made this. I've been doing some digging and I've found some troubling information.
| Please read the attached documents |
- Editor Ulanova
Nothing
Most patrons do not know where they are or what happened to them. They simply accepted that they were gone now.
Sadly, one can not rid themselves of an archivist. Their soul will always wander the adjoining planes. So we kept their souls in a place where their corpses could not hurt anyone any longer. An infinite void, only accessible through a way hidden beneath the Library.
If one were to enter this void, do not expect to meet the Archivists you knew. While an archivist can never truly die, they can certainly change. The chief archivists are not just shells of their former selves, they're worse than that.
They're almost nothing
The First
The First Archivist was previously held within a sealed tomb hidden within the archives. They easily broke free, tearing apart staff and escaping into the main hall. We lost 44 Librarians, 35 Docents, and 21 Pages that day.
Their soul is trapped within he void now. Whenever we check in with them, their corpse is usually babbling orders to imaginary patrons. Recently, they've begun building a mock main hall made out of whatever resource they could find. May their soul find peace within hell.
The Second
The Second Archivist is trapped within the void. They often mistake other archivists for lost wanderers, guiding them to the first Archivist's mock main hall. The Second Archivist has recently coordinated with the First Archivist to build Five mock Archives. You can expect the Second Archivist to be cowering within these mock archives. May their soul find peace within hell.
