I’m so tired of this. Everything’s gone to shit. Can't find anything anymore, not even something to write on. I literally found this journal in Walmart. It's wet and the paper falls out of it when I try to write. Walmart has been the most normal thing I've seen so far. Isn’t that fucking ironic. I went in there and grabbed what I could. Anyways, here we are. I lost my last journal. So, shitty Walmart journal it is.
My skin has been itching for about a week now. It doesn’t hurt but… It's just not right. I can't sleep, I can't tell if it's nerves. I don’t know, I feel sick but I don’t think anything is wrong with me. Well things are wrong, but I think I’m ok. I mean I’m not dying. I can still breath and think, I’m just… Who knows. Maybe it’s normal, whatever that means now.
It’s harder to remember how it was when it started. I just remember going outside and there was a guy on our house’s lawn. He was just laying there. I didn’t know what this guy was doing there so I walked up and shook his shoulder. He didn't react at all. I went to shake him again but then I noticed his skin. It almost melted into the grass.
I didn't stay around much longer than that. I don’t remember how long it was before my skin started to inch.
I saw a body in there, ya know. In the Walmart. He couldn’t have been there long. He didn’t smell or anything. Still looked like a person. I don’t know how he died. He was sitting up against a cooler. Just staring at the wall. I closed his eyes. That's all I could really do for him. I felt like I should have done more but I couldn’t think of anything. I sat next to him for a bit. Is it fucked up? Not that it matters. The world is a whole lot more fucked up at the moment. No, what's worse is that it was comforting.
I was jealous, you know. That he still looked like a person. Maybe that's why I sat next to him. I don't wanna die like this.
I lost like half of the pages in my journal. Hadn’t written in them yet or anything. I kinda just moved my hand wrong and they slid out. I couldn’t really put them back in, so I left them. Kinda sucks, but it is what it is.
My head’s gotten worse. Still doesnt hurt but it's starting to get heavy. It's more of a pressure really. Hot too. I don't know any more. I feel sick most of the time. I’m overheated and I wanna throw up.
I haven’t seen any more people. Or bodies for that matter. I've been hugging the coast. Things have been less changed here. I've been along this coast line before. It leads to my sister's house. It's not the same though.Then again I only went once. But even with the world having gone to shit, there is a certain uncanny feeling to it. The twists and turns of the sandy beaches still bring back those old memories. I think I’ll keep heading this way for now at least
I kept moving, stayed along the coast but eventually there was none. I don’t know when it happened but the water kinda hardened… I’m not sure how to describe it really but, at first it was just ripping a bit. I thought it was the wind in all honesty. Then whitecaps started to form in the water. It started to twist and almost reach upwards. Hardening as it did and almost crystallizing. Some parts of it broke away but they didn't drop or anything, they just floated there…
Some of it has started to move. A large area of the bay pulled upwards and broke off. Then bits of it pulled back down into legs and it started to move. It started to come at me and I thought I was screwed but it just stepped over. It wasn’t fast, but it all kinda happened at once. I don't know if it intentionally avoided me or if it just stepped over and I happened to not be in its path. I don’t think these things are conscious but I won't lie that it’s somewhat comforting to think they are. It's a bit comforting, though, to imagine them as something friendly. Who knows, maybe their thinking the same way about me.
It gets me worried, though. There's not much water out here and what if this has happened to all of it. Honestly I haven’t really been thirsty but I will soon. It's been probably 8 days since I’ve had water.
I've managed to find a bit of ocean that hasn’t been affected. Though It doesn't smell right, so I haven’t drank it. Still no people, well no bodies.
Managed to get my camera working. I honestly forgot I had the thing. It's been in my coat pocket this whole time. I felt it bumping against me but, I guess I had more important things to pay attention to. It's not the best camera in the world. My sister gave it to me last Christmas. We were never close, but it was right after my mother died. She was adopted and she didn't get along with our mother. I asked her about it once when we were younger, and she told me she always felt like she owed her something. I don't know how she felt about my mom after she died. Maybe she just thought that’s something you do for someone when their mother dies.
She never talked to me after that. I don’t know if I pissed her off or if there was something I should have said. I said thanks. I'm not sure if she wanted something else from me. I didn’t give her anything. Maybe that’s what she wanted. Maybe I should have to smooth things over.
I've been playing with the camera. I haven’t really moved. There hasn’t really been a reason to. The water still fucking smells but that’s just about it. I can't stop thinking about this camera. I think I broke it honestly. Something is jammed where you slide the lenses in. Leave it to my sister to get a camera that breaks after its first few uses.
God, I could never understand that woman. We had maybe 4 conversations that lasted longer than 10 minutes. I have no idea who she was or what she thought of me. Maybe she hated me. That would make more sense. The camera could be a, “Fuck. Now you get to deal with this hunk of crap.”
…Honestly that’s probably what it was.
I went to her house once. It was a few months before our mom died. The place was filled with crap. That lady never could throw a damn thing out. They always had some sort of sentimental value. She had the cups we got at Disney when we were five there. A true hoarder at heart. Maybe it was a, Here. Take this. You can throw my crap out.”
I've thrown up a few times. It’s honestly gotten harder to move so I’ve just stayed here. I wish there was more I could do. I don’t think I was ever really good at the whole doing things bit, so I can't say I’m surprised.
I actually had this one conversation with my sister. I know it's a bit weird to bring up but, It was just always weird to me. I was at this party. I didn’t know the people who threw it too well. I just existed in the same general social group. She knew the guys better than me so she was there too. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I forced conversation with a few people and hovered for a bit. But eventually, I retreated to the porch to drink.
She found me out there. She sat down next to me. I must have been with her for ten minutes before she said anything. Then she asked me if I was happy. I said yes… I remember she gave me this look. I don’t know how to describe it. She kinda just looked through me. I then asked her if she was happy because that's what I thought she wanted. She shrugged. We sat together for a bit. Out of nowhere she tells me that this party is us. I don’t know. Maybe I’m remembering what she said wrong. I was hammered. I didn’t ask her to clarify or anything at the time. I wish I had. I just kept drinking and eventually she got up and left.
Honestly I was so wasted, for all I know we might not have even had the conversation.
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I figured out what was jammed in the camera. I can't really move too much any more but, I've spent the last few hours working on the damn thing.